


And The Heart Stays Still

by benzin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 11:12:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16871893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benzin/pseuds/benzin
Summary: Life was a bit grim after the defeat of Voldemort and solace was not where it was expected to be for everyone. Especially in the case of Hermione Granger and Severus Snape. Are they looking in the right places for it? Or are they simply ignoring what is right in front of them? AU. Rate M.





	And The Heart Stays Still

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Harry Potter nor the characters associated in this story unless they are of the original creation. I will make no profit from this story and only write it for my enjoyment and for the enjoyment of others. All characters belong to JK Rowling.
> 
> Constructive criticism is welcomed! I have no beta and try to edit the best I can.
> 
> The story is originally from FanFiction . net but I decided to put the story here as well. The first chapter is the longest given I put all 3 chapters in one. I will update a chapter at a time, with an update hopefully once every 2 weeks.

He growled lowly "Why should I believe you? Hmmm" His teeth bearing as he asked the question she had been waiting to hear since the _conversation_ began. His pupils were dilated with a pure rage, and his fists shaking at the anger coursing through his veins. She knew this would be a battle to make him understand.

"Because…" she hesitated, all the months leading up to this, all those stolen moments, it was now or never, for both of them. "Because I love you" She whispered, her voice cracking.

He immediately straightened up, stiffly. His breathing ragged and heavy, though his fists had stopped shaking and his eyes were a bit softer.

"You don't love me, you just want an escape" He spat out, protecting himself from a trap that was not set by her or anyone.

She shook her head, "You're wrong" she really did love him, with all her heart. No matter how snarky or crass he could be towards her, he had that side of him that she had come to know and love. He wasn't an easy man, but then again he never had been, but that didn't stop her from befriending him or loving him. Even at the expense of ruining all that they had as friends, she couldn't take it anymore and how she felt about him.

"You're wrong Severus," She said with a bit more conviction, this made him stand up straighter "You're not my escape, what Ron and I had, that's been long dead, we both know it." She hesitated on this part, knowing she was being a Gryffindor, her heart bearing on her sleeve, all for him to see and scrutinize. "You're my salvation, my equal, the bull-headed man I've come to love."

She knew it could all end right here, but the fact he was hesitating, opening and closing his mouth over and over again gave her hope. He threw his arms up the arm and turned away, huffing and puffing as he did so. Severus was trying to simmer his anger, and he slammed his hands down on the table, making her jump. Finally, after a few long minutes, he spoke. "Do you know what you _ask?_ " He had wanted this, but not at the expense of being made a fool of, but he was beginning to see that this was no game.

Hermione nodded, "I do," she said quietly.

"Speak up!" He snapped, he had to hear it loudly, or he would think that it would be the wind, mocking him as well.

She swallowed hard, "I know what I am asking, I know what I want, and I want you, Severus Snape because I love you," She said with conviction. He sighed and his shoulders slumped forward.

Her nerves were being eaten away at that very moment. The silence was truly deafening within that span of time. She only wished she could know what he was thinking but a lump was caught in her throat.

He lifted his head to look at her, and she stared back at him. Severus had been at wit's end for months on what to do about what he felt for her and he realized this was the answer he was seeking. She understood him and loved him for all of him. He didn't understand, nor did he think he deserved her or her love, but he was a broken man, that needed her love to heal him. For he loved her as well.

He held out his hand, "Come" he said softly and she obeyed, her hand falling into his. Severus pulled her close and wrapped his other arm around her waist.

"You will be mine, after this" He kept his tone even, waiting for a reaction of disgust, but none came, she just nodded. Quirking his lips slightly, he leaned down and kissed her softly and soon did so with all abandonment. She hungrily kissed him back, both of them giving nutrients of the soul to one another. It was what they sought.

They pulled apart, breathless. He was looking down at her, waiting for her betrayal, but her hand gravitated to his face, where she caressed his cheek. He closed his eyes slightly, still looking at her; it had been too long since he felt another woman's touch.

"What happens now," She asked her hand still on his cheek. He was content at that moment and couldn't have cared less what happened next, but he knew this would not last forever.

"That, my dear, is what we must discuss," He said reluctantly, taking her hand away from his cheek, he held it firmly, and led her into his living room, to have the discussion he was not entirely ready for.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*5 Years Prior*

The Daily Prophet newspapers are filled with stories regarding Harry Potter and his triumph over Voldemort. Other stories regarding Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley. Followed by many other stories regarding other people who were involved in the war. While Harry's face was constantly on the front page, another person soon came to take up a portion of the Prophets paper. Severus Snape. A crass, ingenious man who was able to play double-agent for the late Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore. Initially, there was a lot of issues surrounding Snape and his involvement. However, after Harry Potter and his friends vouched for him in a variety of ways, along with Dumbledore’s memories, Snape is allowed to live a free life, with restrictions.

This is where we find ourselves at the beginning of our story.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Following the events of the final battle, a whirlwind of events took place that was not expected by Harry and his friends. For starters, Severus Snape had survived the ghastly attack from Nagini. How? Snape would not disclose publicly and the media and the public were left to speculate, which of course started a barrage of rumors. Other surprises revolved around Dumbledore. The Headmaster had the foresight to account for all of Snape’s digressions over the years and stated if Snape was to be punished, he should be with leniency. Further, each member received a letter from Dumbledore explaining the situation regarding himself, and the deal he made with Snape, but not all of them were pleased with the development. Harry in conjunction with Snape, provided Snape’s memories alongside Dumbledore’s to the court. Leading to a furor of stories about Snape’s past and his motivations, none of which Snape would talk about. Snape’s hearing began within a month after the events of the final battle. Harry had hired a lawyer who was sympathetic to Snape and willing to defend him.

After a few months of deliberation, the court finally called to order the sentencing of Severus Snape.

“Order!” The courts highest judge, Alexander Rockwell, shouted at the rambunctious crowd.

The noise level quickly died down until the room was silent. Severus Snape walks in with his lawyer, Shane Cornell, and take a seat at their respective table. The council for the Ministry is already waiting in their seats, as the crowd looks on with anticipation. Harry and Hermione sit in the crowd, on the side of Snape, as they await Rockwell to read the verdict.

“Witches and Wizards of the court,” Rockwell began as he stood from his chair. Alexander Rockwell was an American Court Justice, who was asked by the Ministry to preside over Snape’s case since he would not have any bias regarding Snape nor have too many dealings with what went on during the time of Voldemort.

“Today, after a few long months of passionate and heartbreaking accounts and facts regarding the work of Severus Snape, we are here to decide what happens next. Severus is not without guilt in the matters at hand today, but we must decide to what extent he should be punished, if at all, for his supposed crimes. Both sides have given me and the other justices much too think about in these last several weeks. We see both sides of the story and thus, we have finally come to a decision regarding Severus Snape. Mr. Snape, please rise,” Rockwell asks and Snape does so.

Snape’s face is passive, neither showing interest or disinterest in the proceedings. While he would never admit this to anyone, he was grateful Potter had given him a lawyer with a fighting chance but part of him lambasted himself for wanting a reprieve and that he deserved death.

“In accordance with the Ministry of Magic and the Laws of Britain, we the Justices have come to an agreement on the verdicts regarding one, Severus Snape.” Deputy Justice Agatha Jones begins while handing Rockwell the verdicts.

Unraveling the scroll, Rockwell begins “We the Justices find Severus Snape not guilty of treason in regards to the Ministry of Magic and to Britain. We the Justices find Severus Snape not guilty of conspiracy to overthrow the Ministry of Magic. We find Severus Snape guilty of torture. We find Severus Snape guilty of second-degree murder. We find Severus Snape not guilty of first-degree murder. After deliberating on the punishment, we the Justices have agreed that Severus Snape should remain a free man, but with restrictions.”

Murmurs could be heard throughout the hall. No one was surprised at the Justices findings after months of watching the case. However, Snape being a free man was enough to start many conversations through the hall. Some conversations were nasty, while others were positive.

“Order!” Rockwell bellows as the conversations begin to become too loud for him to finish the reading.

“As I was saying, Severus Snape will remain a free man, but with restrictions. If Mr. Snape and his team agree to the terms, then we can end this today, if not, the Justices will reconvene and provide another alternative. Thus the terms are as follows: Severus Snape must remain in England for a duration of 10 years; no travel outside this country will be permitted. Mr. Snape must also have a therapist regarding his post-traumatic stress disorder and also to ensure that he will not re-offend. Monthly assessments will be given to the Justices to review. Mr. Snape must have an overseer regarding weekly visitations, finances, and any wish to work. This overseer can be a professional or someone Mr. Snape trusts. Mr. Snape will be required to provide St. Mungo's and Hogwarts with medicines, free of charge, for the next 5 years. Mr. Snape is hereby barred from teaching at Hogwarts or any other magical institutions in England for as long as he shall live. Mr. Snape will issue apologies to all those he has wronged, however, this will be done at the discretion of the families involved. Mr. Snape is required for 10 years, to report his address to the Ministry and allow for a Ministry official visit every 6 months. Failure to comply and to violate any of these conditions and Mr. Severus Snape will be sent to Azkaban for a duration of 75 years, with the possibility of parole.” Rockwell lifts his eyes from the scroll to look at Snape, “Do you agree to the terms, Mr. Snape?”

Snape looks at his lawyer, who gives a subtle nod. Returning his gaze to Rockwell, Snape states, “I do your Honor.”

The gavel is then hammered down and the court begins to swirl into a frenzy. Severus Snape free! A good deal of people say. What a monster! Others shout from the back. What will happen to him?

Questions and shouting can be heard, but Severus Snape is too focused on the Aurora coming towards him to unshackle his wrist and ankle cuffs. Once free, Snape rubs his wrists, glad to be free of the harsh metal.

Harry and Hermione find their way through the crowd, as reporters swarm them both to get their take and how they feel about the terms. Neither says anything as the approach Cornell and Snape.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Before anyone could say a word, Cornell put his hand up to prevent conversation. “Let’s go to a private room,” the Irish lawyer said. Everyone agreed and Cornell led them into the back area where he knew there were offices they could use. Once inside everyone took a seat and breathing a sigh of relief to be away from the media swarm and the crowds.

At that moment, whatever Harry and Hermione had set out to say left them. They had a lot to say but in a way saying anything would be superficial. How could you say congratulations on not landing yourself in Azkaban but sorry to hear about your probation stipulations? Eventually, Snape was the one to speak.

“In all honesty, the Justices should have my head, so probation of 10 years will go by,” he said with no hint of how he really felt about the situation.

Hermione shook her head and crossed her arms. “10 years, I understand but at the same time..”

“The punishment they gave me is minuscule to what I should have received,” he said with conviction. “I’m lucky at all to be breathing London air at this moment. Now, I do not wish to dwell on what could have been. I need to find an overseer and a therapist, I don’t want Ministry appointments.”

Cornell nodded and took out a piece of paper, “I can ask around and see who would be suitable and up to doing this. Therapists will be easy for me, I know quite a few, but an overseer…”

“I’ll do it,” Hermione said a tad loudly.

All eyes moved to her at that moment. Harry, in slight disbelief, Cornell, with a nod, and Snape, who couldn’t help but give a knowing look that she would volunteer.

“Are you sure, Hermione? I’m sure I could find someone for him,” Harry asked, not sure how to take his friends willingness to be Snape’s overseer.

“I’m sure. Anyone we don’t know could provide false information. Therapists are at least held to a standard but the Ministry and anyone with ill intent aren’t. Ultimately, it is up to Mr. Snape,” she said evenly.

Snape had insisted they call him Mr. Snape, as he did not want to be associated as a headmaster nor professor for and after the trial. After a few moments, he nodded in agreement.

“Fine, Ms. Granger will be my Overseer, Cornell will put together a list of therapists for me to see. I’m sure Ms. Granger will vet them carefully given that will be part of her job.” He looked over at her and she nodded.

“Of course, I’ll rank them best to worst,” she said with a smirk and Snape couldn’t help but smirk himself.

“Next is housing,” Cornell said as he wrote down what Snape and Hermione agreed too.

“Thanks easy,” Harry perked up at that, “He can stay at Grimmauld Place until he can find somewhere suitable.”

There was a slight tense feeling that came over the room but Snape quickly responded, “fine, but I would not like to stay there too long.”

A few more details were hammered out, including the fact Hermione would have to stay at Grimmauld Place as well until he was in a permanent home. Snape wasn’t too keen on the idea but ultimately had to accept that condition if he didn’t want to be in a cell until he found a place. Once that was done, Hermione, Cornell, and Snape filled out the paperwork for her to be his Overseer. Meanwhile, Harry filed paperwork for Snape and his living circumstances.

After all, was said and done, they apparated to Grimmauld Place. Snape only had suitcase worth of personal belongings. Though, anyone who knew a witch or wizard knew they could fit a lot into a suitcase.

Snape went to his old room to settle in while Cornell took his leave. That left Harry and Hermione in the kitchen, with Hermione making tea for them.

“Are you absolutely sure about this Hermione?” Harry asked, picking up on the conversation from earlier.

She turned to him and sighed deeply, “I wouldn’t have done this if I wasn’t sure Harry. I understand your concern but given his situation, and mine, this is the best resolution.”

Harry frowned at that answer but nodded. “Kreacher will be here if you both need anything, I’ll stop in once a week for dinner that way you have a change of pace. Maybe I can see if Ron wants to join in.”

She smiled and nodded at the suggestion, “if he is willing. I talked to him a couple days ago and he still wasn’t up for much beyond helping George with the shop clean up. We are both avoiding each other it seems.”

Hermione and Harry took a sip of their tea at the same time before Harry continued.

“Yeah, you both are, but you have your reasons. I know you both tried to make it work afterward but was it really all that bad?”

She took a deep breath at that, “It wasn’t bad, per se, I… I just can’t Harry. I love him, but I can’t see myself right now with him. He’s a fantastic friend, always will be if he wants to be. I just need to figure out myself right now and well, I can only help him if he wants to help himself. We all lost friends and family during this war, that doesn’t get to excuse his behavior towards me or others.”

Harry knew she was right. Ron had been having a hard time adjusting to the new family life while trying to make things work with Hermione. They worked, for a little while but gradually they came apart at the seams. Hermione, in other conversations with him, noted that she was also trying to work on herself, and Ron wasn’t a good conduit for her.

“Stay here as long as you need Hermione,” Harry said in support of her decision. “I’ll ask him and tell him you are fine with him coming but if not I’ll at least be by every Thursday for dinner and drinks.”

She smiled at that and nodded, “great, thank you. You’re a great friend, you know that?”

He laughed a bit and nodded, “of course, who else could be?” Hermione rolled her eyes and sipped her tea. Snape came in at that moment and looked at the pair briefly.

“I do not mean to interrupt, I just came down for…”

“Tea? A fresh pot of hot water on the stove,” Hermione chimed in and Snape nodded.

Conversation lapsed as Snape made himself tea and grabbed himself some food from the fridge. Picking up his items, he quickly left the room as fast as he appeared.

Kreacher was given the word that he would have guests for an undetermined amount of time, thus the food in the fridge.

Finishing his tea, Harry got up with his cup and placed it in the sink. “I should be off. I have some errands and other matters I have to deal with tomorrow. Cornell will forward you the list of therapist tomorrow and also what your duties will be as Snape’s overseer.”

Hermione followed suit with Harry and she nodded at his comment with a smile. “Thanks, I’ll take care of it.” She then hugged him and off he went for the night.

That left her alone in the kitchen. She wasn’t quite ready for bed but knew she needed to settle herself down and go through everything in her head. Making her way to the living room, she sat on the couch and put a pillow over her head. Darkness helped her arrange her mind, and create pros and cons for issues. Hermione knew she was a bit overhead with dealing with Snape, but her reasoning still stood soundly. Depending on the list Cornell sent over for therapist, maybe she would seek one out for herself. Her nightmares hadn’t improved, and part of her was still stuck in a dark place. No amount of time with friends, books, or anything positive was helping. Not even venting, in her usual way, the negative energy was helping her. Part of her was at her wits end, and she found herself in a dark place more and more as of late. Hiding that feeling from everyone was easy enough but, now with her living with Snape, she didn’t think she could keep the facade up all the time. He was too observant and would notice. Whether he made a comment or not had yet to be seen.

In another part of the house, Snape was staring out the window. His mind in turmoil over his situation. While he was grateful to not be in Azkaban, but a good part of him wanted to be dead. The knife he held in his hand, reminded him that he had the choice to make that happen. He could, he knew that, but another small part of him didn’t want to concede, not yet. He closed his eyes tight, as all the faces he ever did harm too flashed before him. His breathing came faster and shorter, and he dropped the knife. Another anxiety attack. They came and went randomly and he was thankful he was alone for this one. Snape could let his attack rage through instead of burying it as usual. His hand canopies over his eyes, trying to make the images go away. Eventually, they do, but remnants remain. They always would, he believed.

  
  
  



End file.
